Showing My Age

I have been having a somewhat heated debate with an individual I have never met in a public forum. This individual, I will refer to as she since a woman’s name is used, has such a narrow view I am amazed she has any room for another idea. While to topic of our discussion is not important, the lack of courtesy, discipline and self-control appears to have become a problem.

Recently, a quote of Frank Herbert, author of “Dune”, has come to my attention. The quote states: “The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action.” I liked this quote so much I have changed my signature stamp. Therefore, those of you who know me will have to live with it for a while. Quotes provide so much insight of the people who made them and those who use the quotes. Take, for example, the great Mohammed Ali. He has been quoted as saying, “A man who thinks at 50 the way he did at 30 has wasted 20 years of his life.” Now, I did not hear him say that but it sure has many implications.

So, what has happened to common courtesy? Is it dead or just very anemic? The majority of people with whom I associate, though we do not always agree, try to remain civil so our points are made without animosity. The discussion I have had with this woman has been futile. There is only one response from her and it is reiterated in a different way each time without changing the meaning. Therefore, instead of disagreeing and trying to work through the differences there is disagreement unless the others have views which are in agreement with her. What is to gain by this attitude? Brings to mind the short story, “’Repent Harlequin,’ said the Tick-Tock Man.” Are we to conform all our collective ideas and thoughts to satisfy the wants of the few?

Now the idea is not to be passive and keep the peace but to make waves. These waves are not meant to be disruptive, but to allow others to see more sides of the same issue. Let’s face it; there are at least two sides to each story. Usually there are much more than two sides. However, let us move beyond this particular topic.

What about the days when people held doors open for each other. It had nothing to do with sexism. It was courtesy. Then there is my personal pet peeve, the lack of turn signals. Mother taught her children if nothing nice could be said about someone, then nothing need be said at all. Well, Mom; this is for you. I cannot say the other drivers are being selfish, self-centered or inconsiderate. I cannot say that the auto manufacturers are charging for, but not installing, turn signals. Therefore, I am left with a polar-magnetic disturbance that prevents the signals from working in the first place. Whaddya think?

One thing I have learned in the South is the words Ma’am and Sir. They really are English words! When I lived in Ohio, they were only used to keep from getting into further trouble with the parents (or parental-type units). Those two words of simple courtesy now roll off my tongue without any pain and is appreciated. It is seen in the eyes of the older people. It is seen in the attitudes of the younger people as they address their elders as Ma’am and Sir. Quoting Carol Sarler, who writes for “The Observer”, a subsidiary of “The Guardian” in the UK, “Even in deprived, no-go-after-dark downtown, teenage boys stand to look you in the eye, call you ma'am and have no familiarity with the language of the monosyllabic grunt - if only because their mamas, white and black, will have it no other way, not because the government is sponsoring 'initiatives' on 'respect'.” Ms. Sarler is writing about the BBC looking down on Americans. She chastises the BBC for using microcosms of American society to state the entire country behaves as those people who make waves in places such as New York City, Washington DC or Los Angeles. Ms. Sarler, in the article, states she lives near Atlanta.

What is extolled here is the courtesy extended to others, the common thread that unites societies. The reason the United States has a diplomatic corps is to prepare ambassadors of the customs and courtesies to the country where they are serving. An open-handed palm is acceptable to many in the States but in other cultures, it is not. Common courtesy requires diplomats understand the cultures in which they will be living. An argument is better settled when all parties are willing to compromise and use the common courtesy handed down by their and our ancestors to work through the differences. It is a shame this seems to apply less today than it has in the past. Could the anonymity of the internet have helped to exacerbate this problem? Possibly, but that is another topic for a later discussion.

Therefore, this rant is to bring to the front the need to return to our roots, to allow everyone to be him or herself by allowing courtesy to temper our tongues and polish the rough edges. Much more will be accomplished by first finding what unites us, then see what it is that is dividing us. Over the last few decades, our society has been blessed with advancements that were science fiction at one time. We have made cultural advancements and declines but the hope is more advancements than declines have transpired. In either case, the common thread is how civilly we can react with each other as a society. While our own parents could be overheard, decrying the youth of the day who have little respect for the adults it appears the cries have been ignored. Are we, who are bringing up the next generation, falling into the same cycle?

I propose, to anyone who reads this, to thank your cashier the next time a purchase is made. Take the extra effort to make eye contact. Greet a passer-by with, “Good Morning” and accept the answer, even if the answer is no response or a quizzical stare. Hold open the door for someone, not caring if it appears sexist. The idea may sound Utopian, and the author has no problem with that idea, but at the very least, your small section of the world will be changed. Nothing will be lost by the effort but, more importantly, nothing will be gained by failing to put forth the effort.